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Be More Curious Than Certain

By Wonmin Kim

What if you were more curious about yourself and others? What if we didn’t jump to a conclusion or assume we know what’s happening, even with ourselves? What if I tell you that this is the key to better mental, emotional, and relational health for yourself and those you love!!! Hmmmmmm?????

Step 1 – Notice the sensations in your body. “Oh, my heart is beating really fast.” “My tummy feels twisty and turny.” “My throat is so dry.” “My fingers feel tingly.” “My head feels fuzzy.” “My hands are shaking.” “My breathing feels shallow.” “My neck and shoulders feel tense.”

Step 2 – Name the emotion/feeling. Emotions are just one word. What is the name of the emotion or emotions I am experiencing? Emotions are neither good nor bad. How we feel about emotion might be good or bad, because all emotions give us important information about us or others. What is the name of the emotion I am feeling? How do I know I am feeling this emotion? If you are having trouble, use a feeling wheel or ask a friend to help you figure out the name of the emotion you are feeling. We should not tell ourselves or others what we should be feeling. You can ask how you feel about the emotion you feel and then the KEY-----

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM? BE CURIOUS! Why is this the emotion I feel? Sit with this and notice what you notice. What does this emotion feel like? Be curious about the various body sensations and then be curious about what is fueling the emotion. Thoughts are the fuel!

Step 3 – List the thoughts that are fueling the emotion. Thoughts are a sentence. There could be many thoughts or just one thought that fuels the emotion. Is my thought true? Should we challenge any of our thoughts? Why am I thinking what I am thinking? Is my thought kind? How is it beneficial?


Step 4 – Make a CHOICE. List all your choices. You can control what you choose to do. Why do you do what you usually do when you feel this way? How come? What else can you do? Why do you want or not want to go with those other possible choices? What outcome will each choice lead to? Is your choice kind to yourself and others? If not, why is this the choice you made? How does this choice benefit you? What is the reward you get from this choice? How do you decide what you want to do? Be curious about your decision-making process.


Take control! We don’t focus on controlling emotions. We get curious!!! We can control the fuel and what we choose to do. In order to do this, we need to slow down and say, “HMMMMMMMMMM?”

My next blog post will be about mapping our habit loops – i.e.. why do we do what we do?

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